Living Inside My Head

Last school year, 2017-2018, I was assigned in our school as a grade level coordinator. It was a difficult position, for me. The work and the responsibilities were immense and I felt overwhelmed. I was not used to "office work". I am a teacher and I enjoy teaching, but being a coordinator means like working as an administrative staff, registrar, accountant, treasurer, guidance counselor, all at the same time. I was close to a breakdown and I can't hardly contain the work. Many times I say to myself, "I cannot do this anymore. I have had enough." I cannot count the times I cried because of the pressure or the times that I go home feeling so down because I feel like I am not enjoying my work as a teacher anymore. I am close to having a mental breakdown. The words "I am so stressed" just spit out of my mouth unconsciously countless times a day, like they were already part of my system. What gave me the courage and hope to pull through was the reassur

More than ten years ago I received a few bulbs of lilies, my favorite flowers, from an acquaintance. I planted the bulbs in our front yard and it turns out that the bulbs that I thought all the same were actually two groups of different species of lilies. What species are they exactly I do not have the slightest idea. All I know is that the pink ones bloom continuously throughout the year. But the other one, the fiery red-orange variant, is elusive. It blooms at a certain time of the year only, during the hottest months, April to May. After May, the flowers start dying altogether, and stops blooming, until the next year again, in the same months. What makes these flowers so special and so engrossing to me, beside their beauty of course, is how seldom they bloom. They were there for only two months; two months to admire their beauty, and then they're gone. It's like a reminder how something beautiful can also be ephemeral. Perhaps it's the transitory nature of things

A year from now, I, my husband  and some of our dear friends are going to embark on a journey towards fulfilling one of our lifelong dreams. When I think about it, it's like looking up a mountain. Its beautiful and awe-inspiring, but its height is intimidating; for sure, the climb will not be easy. We have to be prepared in all aspects, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and even financially. For the goal is reachable, but the path towards it will definitely be rocky. Somehow, I can now breathe a sigh of relief. Some burdens were now lifted up from my shoulder. I'm quite happy and thankful that I can now focus more on planning and starting our venture towards that mountain. In retrospect, my former self tend to view life as a series of failures and disappointments. I cannot say that I am now successful - I am still far from that, but when I look back and then reflect on my life now, I am filled with the realization how far I have come. Sure, the road still winds