The Events Leading to It
It was supposed to be in the summer of ‘09 - our trip. But then, we had to cancel it because of the conflict in our schedule. We were both busy - each of us had a rather demanding and quite stressful job. It’s as if I’m a bird clutched by my master and struggling very hard for air to breathe. I felt suffocated. It was stuffy and the pressure was too much to bear. And I wanted freedom. Freedom from a thankless job.. Freedom from the pressures of what I must do.. It was rather taxing..especially when the eleventh month started. We just had celebrated our two years together that previous month, and now our relationship was hanging in a fine thread.
At that period, I was doing everything at the same time. I was studying, working, maintaining a relationship, and at the same time, dealing with everyday household problems. It was too much, I thought, but I know I can manage. Then suddenly, I can’t go on anymore. At that time, there was no one I can count on. There was no one to talk to. Everybody was distant and I felt alone than ever before. Little by little, I was being driven in my shell to seek refuge. I felt desolated. Everyday life bombards me even more and our strained relationship heightens my disillusionment. I have had enough. I decided that our relationship must end.
It was a decision that I know I can pull through someday. But I didn’t know if what I was doing was right or not. Perhaps, I wanted freedom so much that I didn’t know that I was hurting someone I adore so much. I didn’t know what kind of freedom I wanted. But I thought that any kind of it was enough to lessen the burden in my feelings. He didn’t like my decision and I know I hurt him. But he didn’t let go. That’s when I realized something: I admire his courage and his love, that even though I hurt his feelings, he still wanted me with him.
At that period, I was doing everything at the same time. I was studying, working, maintaining a relationship, and at the same time, dealing with everyday household problems. It was too much, I thought, but I know I can manage. Then suddenly, I can’t go on anymore. At that time, there was no one I can count on. There was no one to talk to. Everybody was distant and I felt alone than ever before. Little by little, I was being driven in my shell to seek refuge. I felt desolated. Everyday life bombards me even more and our strained relationship heightens my disillusionment. I have had enough. I decided that our relationship must end.
It was a decision that I know I can pull through someday. But I didn’t know if what I was doing was right or not. Perhaps, I wanted freedom so much that I didn’t know that I was hurting someone I adore so much. I didn’t know what kind of freedom I wanted. But I thought that any kind of it was enough to lessen the burden in my feelings. He didn’t like my decision and I know I hurt him. But he didn’t let go. That’s when I realized something: I admire his courage and his love, that even though I hurt his feelings, he still wanted me with him.
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