Living Inside My Head

Thank you for a whole year of incomparable love and true happiness. I will never get tired of thanking God for giving you to me, and how happy and immensely proud I am for having you in my life. You are my lover and my partner, but you are also my very bestfriend, who is always there for me everytime I need a shoulder to cry on. You are my confidant, and my secrets are only revealed to you. There’s nothing more that I could ask for. Thank you for bringing out the best in me and for believing in my abilities. Because of you, I want to become a better person and I love myself more. You are my sunshine who lightens up every dark corner of my world, and from you I draw my strength and my hope. I’m in my happiest when I’m with you but when we are apart, I’m learning to become strong and grow as an individual. I’m no longer someone who believes that I’m nothing in this world. But that I exist for a better reason.

I’m so sick of everything… I’m so fed-up with what is happening that I just want to be left alone. I need a time to be alone..completely alone. I think I’m beginning to lose a part of me and I do not feel free anymore, in whatever aspect of my life. This whole place is causing me to withdraw more and more inside me, and if I’ll be given a chance to travel somewhere far far away, I’ll be more than happy and thankful to accept it. At least it’s a way to forget everything even for just a while and be by myself completely without the irritating influence of the people around me. Honestly speaking, everything and eveyone is starting to get on my nerves. There is no more place where I can be left at peace and anywhere I turn it’s a whole world of mess and disorder. It’s like I’m being confine into a dark and gloomy place and little by little my whole being is rotting like a corpse. I feel very unhappy, and right now there’s nothing or no one can take away that feeling.

 "Don’t be afraid to show your feelings." I will never forget his words. They went straight into my mind and heart. I thought I will never hear those words from anyone. He’s so understanding and loving that he encourages me to come out from my shell…to become who I really am, to express myself. I’m always afraid of so many things. I worry too much. I cannot be myself when I’m in front of people. It’s as if anytime, they will hurt me. I’m vulnerable. I’m weak. I’m irresolute. And most of the time, I don’t want to show that. That’s why I’m trying to look strong. But when I’m alone, I cry. I become depress. I’m falling deep deep down to that black crevice of loneliness. Somehow I find it a refuge, and after that I will emerge from it again. Relieved but still gloomy within. His love can save me..it saves me. When I think of him, I realize that I’m not alone as I really think. That I have someone I can count on. But how could someone so good like him can love someone so miserable