Living Inside My Head

"Inside the light, my consciousness fades. What a strange world, Gaea. A beautiful, sad world. Maybe one day I will come to this place again? Of course. Van. He and I will meet again. That's our wish. Wishes do come true. Please. Stars glittering in the sky, please grant my wish. Please bequeath this wish even if today's memories go away. Desires racing into the sky, they will reach that man. When I realize it. When I wish for it. Good bye, Van, black-haired, clear-eyed man. I will without fail return to this world."  ~Hitomi Kanzaki from Escaflowne Prologue 2: Gaea Drama CD

February is Love Month and certainly it's also the month that couples are especially looking forward to because of Valentine's Day. In all honesty, I don't get pretty much excited about Valentine's Day. Sure, it's the day that couples celebrate their love for each other, but I think showing one's love and affection and being sweet and romantic should not only be done Valentine's. It should be done everyday. ;)

After a month and a half of not seeing each other, me and my boyfriend were finally able to spend time together again. I missed him so much. With all the things he had gone through these past few weeks, I know I ought to make him happy 

Obligation without love makes one irritable Righteousness  without love makes one cruel Truth without love makes one a fault-finder Upbringing without love makes one two-faced I ntelligence without love makes one cunning Affability without love makes one hypocritical Competence  without love makes one uncompromising Authority without love makes one a coercer Responsibility without love makes one arrogant Honor without love makes one haughty Wealth without love makes one greedy Faith without love makes one fanatical

I wrote this poem in August 2005 about a person who I became attached to but because of our differences, we drifted from each other and now he is only a part of my past. I reposted this poem here because I remembered receiving good comments about this poem. Of course I'm proud of being able to write a poem that other people can relate to. When the sun and the moon fell in love A nuptial knot between them is unthinkable There is no way they could ever be in the same sky Because time just won’t allow them to be. Just like the fire burning tremendously Only the water could dissipate it But water can be vaporize by fire And so only one of them has to exist. Blunt words are sharp like knives And they could shatter a fragile heart An enthusiastic traveler cannot be tied down domestically And timidity has no place to a sociable world. You are a risk-taker and I am cautious as I can be You crave for new things and I can’t let go of the old ones Love will never be enough ...

Thank you for a whole year of incomparable love and true happiness. I will never get tired of thanking God for giving you to me, and how happy and immensely proud I am for having you in my life. You are my lover and my partner, but you are also my very bestfriend, who is always there for me everytime I need a shoulder to cry on. You are my confidant, and my secrets are only revealed to you. There’s nothing more that I could ask for. Thank you for bringing out the best in me and for believing in my abilities. Because of you, I want to become a better person and I love myself more. You are my sunshine who lightens up every dark corner of my world, and from you I draw my strength and my hope. I’m in my happiest when I’m with you but when we are apart, I’m learning to become strong and grow as an individual. I’m no longer someone who believes that I’m nothing in this world. But that I exist for a better reason.

 "Don’t be afraid to show your feelings." I will never forget his words. They went straight into my mind and heart. I thought I will never hear those words from anyone. He’s so understanding and loving that he encourages me to come out from my shell…to become who I really am, to express myself. I’m always afraid of so many things. I worry too much. I cannot be myself when I’m in front of people. It’s as if anytime, they will hurt me. I’m vulnerable. I’m weak. I’m irresolute. And most of the time, I don’t want to show that. That’s why I’m trying to look strong. But when I’m alone, I cry. I become depress. I’m falling deep deep down to that black crevice of loneliness. Somehow I find it a refuge, and after that I will emerge from it again. Relieved but still gloomy within. His love can save me..it saves me. When I think of him, I realize that I’m not alone as I really think. That I ha...

There is a blinding light that overwhelms all emotions, and voices are faintly singing in a language I do not understand. For a moment, it is hard to close one’s eyes and I seem to forget about my troubles. There is a faint silhouette who beckons me to come closer. A warm feeling cradled my heart so intimately by merely looking at your clear piercing eyes. I thought I had already seen them in my childhood dreams or from a time in the past I can no longer remember. Still, I know that voice resembles someone else’s so well. Why am I reminded of a scenery that seems to be made up of things I can’t even see? I had thrown away so much but when I look at you I thought it was all in vain. Something is always coming back and now I can glimpse the other side of midnight. Almost sadly, the blinding light disappears with the swirl of doves. Now silence ensued as I turn my eyes to the wonderful cascades of pure will and glowing wishes. Farewell to you. Someday, for sure, you and I will meet again....