Living Inside My Head

I thought I'd always wanted to be a teacher. Well actually, there is no doubt in my mind that I always to be a teacher. Teaching has become a passion for me. From being a nurse to a teacher is a complete leap of career move. I realized that by 'accident'. When I finally reached by goal of being a teacher in a public school, I thought, "This is it. I've reach my goal." In my first year teaching in the public school, there were many adjustments. It was something totally understandable since I came from a private school. It was really different. But in my second year teaching, my world turned 360 degrees. Everything just changed. Even my perspective. It actually challenged my own personal beliefs and ideas that I will be a teacher until I reach old age. There were many circumstances that eventually led me in this and got me thing "Is this really the kind of life I wanted? Working 9 to 10 hours a day, being all stressed of so many workload, and the salary...

Christmas is almost here! This time of the year is actually the most wonderful time of the year for me. It's not really the money, the presents, or the people that makes me happy. It's the cool weather, the colorful lights, Christmas songs, and the hassle and bustle that the holiday season brings that makes me so blissfully happy. My happiness really comes from within, and it's something that I have that no one can take away from me. This year has been really remarkable. I discovered and learned so many new things. We started our very first business venture, which is our perfumery brand, and of course, next year, we will be starting our tutorial center. Never did I dream or wish about venturing into business. It was something that I did not like before nor had any interest with. I thought I'll just be a teacher forever, and will be "institutionalized" just like the rest, and will live the rest of my life in the service of the 'institution'. At fi...

I remember one time I asked my husband, "What is your ultimate dream?" And he answered without any hesitation, "That all of your dreams will come true." For a moment, I was speechless, obviously struck by his answer, because it came so unexpectedly. I was visibly moved, but I smiled nonetheless, and thus further strengthened my gratefulness for having him by my side. Thank you for your selflessness. You are not only a husband, but also a best friend and a mentor to me. Thank you for always kindling the fire of new ideas and possibilities... For your encouragement... For always believing in me... That it's okay to venture to a road less traveled. That dreams can become reality, as long as you put your heart in pursuing them... And that in pursuing them, it's much better to do it as a team. Really, we make a great team!

"No mud, no lotus." ~Thich Naht Hanh There are many things that may come easy and wonderful for us, but the vast majority of victories and achievements involves first sitting on a mud. The story of the lotus flower has been stuck on my mind lately. Its story closely mirrors our experiences in life. No matter how beautiful it looks, the beginning of its growth is not as beautiful as one can imagine. A lotus starts off as a seedling under water, surrounded by mud, muck and all other dirty conditions. As the lotus continues to grow, it finds its way up into the surface, pushing through its murky surroundings making way towards the clearer surface of the water. In time, the pod surfaces above the water, freeing itself from the filth and each petal slowly blooms to expose its beauty.  The story of the lotus is the perfect metaphor for life. What is the value we find in suffering? We can find happiness through suffering.  Suffering is to mud, as happiness is to bl...

Last school year, 2017-2018, I was assigned in our school as a grade level coordinator. It was a difficult position, for me. The work and the responsibilities were immense and I felt overwhelmed. I was not used to "office work". I am a teacher and I enjoy teaching, but being a coordinator means like working as an administrative staff, registrar, accountant, treasurer, guidance counselor, all at the same time. I was close to a breakdown and I can't hardly contain the work. Many times I say to myself, "I cannot do this anymore. I have had enough." I cannot count the times I cried because of the pressure or the times that I go home feeling so down because I feel like I am not enjoying my work as a teacher anymore. I am close to having a mental breakdown. The words "I am so stressed" just spit out of my mouth unconsciously countless times a day, like they were already part of my system. What gave me the courage and hope to pull through was the reassur...

More than ten years ago I received a few bulbs of lilies, my favorite flowers, from an acquaintance. I planted the bulbs in our front yard and it turns out that the bulbs that I thought all the same were actually two groups of different species of lilies. What species are they exactly I do not have the slightest idea. All I know is that the pink ones bloom continuously throughout the year. But the other one, the fiery red-orange variant, is elusive. It blooms at a certain time of the year only, during the hottest months, April to May. After May, the flowers start dying altogether, and stops blooming, until the next year again, in the same months. What makes these flowers so special and so engrossing to me, beside their beauty of course, is how seldom they bloom. They were there for only two months; two months to admire their beauty, and then they're gone. It's like a reminder how something beautiful can also be ephemeral. Perhaps it's the transitory nature of things ...

A year from now, I, my husband  and some of our dear friends are going to embark on a journey towards fulfilling one of our lifelong dreams. When I think about it, it's like looking up a mountain. Its beautiful and awe-inspiring, but its height is intimidating; for sure, the climb will not be easy. We have to be prepared in all aspects, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and even financially. For the goal is reachable, but the path towards it will definitely be rocky. Somehow, I can now breathe a sigh of relief. Some burdens were now lifted up from my shoulder. I'm quite happy and thankful that I can now focus more on planning and starting our venture towards that mountain. In retrospect, my former self tend to view life as a series of failures and disappointments. I cannot say that I am now successful - I am still far from that, but when I look back and then reflect on my life now, I am filled with the realization how far I have come. Sure, the road still winds ...

I have now been married for two months. And I can honestly say that marriage changed me a lot. One of the things that I noticed was how I became even more organized in arranging my personal things. When I was still a single, I had so many stuff in my room that I cling to tenaciously - old clothes, anime-related memorabilia like posters, trading cards, stickers that I collected when I was in high school, old books, old comic books, VHS tapes and cassette recording of my favorite anime shows, high school notebooks, college test papers and reviewers, and even a bag full of plastics that I collected whenever I buy clothes or things from the department store and bookstore. Yup, I kept all of those too! I had this tenacious attachment to past things ever since I could remember and this continued until I got married last December. After I got married, I realized that I was entering a new chapter in my life. It's like a new beginning for me, a fresh start, and I learned that there were som...

Last night, I dreamed that my sapphire engagement ring was broken. The gem got lost and was no where to be found. Is this a reflection of my current state of mind or a symbolism of the things to come?

Now that I've taken a one semester break from my Graduate Studies, I have more time to do one of the things I love the most: write. It's almost Christmas and I can already feel the Christmas spirit here in our country. The cool mornings and evenings, Christmas songs, Christmas decorations in the malls... Christmas is truly a joyful event in the Philippines. It's something that the people look forward to because of the bonuses, vacations, reunions with relatives, and simply more time to celebrate with our loved ones. This would also be the last Christmas that I will be a single. Because next year, on December 2015, I will be getting married to my boyfriend of almost 8 years. Even though this year's Christmas hasn't passed by yet, my mind is already on the 2015 Christmas, where I will be spending it with my new husband. It may still be more than a year though. Lots of things and changes could happen in a year but I only hope for the best.

I have noticed that more and more brides nowadays are choosing to wear wedding dresses with sleeves. Previously, the trend in the Philippines was for the bride to wear a strapless wedding dress; wedding dresses with sleeves were deemed as old-fashioned and uncomfortable (because of the humid climate). But since the wedding of Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge (nee Kate Middleton) to Prince William in April 2011 where she wore a lace wedding dress with sleeves, a trend was set. Laced and sleeved wedding dresses are now in. As for me, long before the marriage of the Duchess of Cambridge, I've always wanted to wear a lace wedding dress with sleeves. I've seen countless photos and portraits of empresses, queens, princesses, duchesses, and noble ladies all throughout history wearing beautiful gowns, and this inspired me in my choice. There is something so elegant and timeless about these dresses. Now that I'm getting married next year, I now know exactly what I wanted in a wed...

It's been ages since I last updated this blog. So many things had happened and I know I'm quite a different person since the last time I updated. The reason for this update is to pour out all the heartaches, uncertainties, unhappiness, and even despair that I've been experiencing for the past couple of months. When I do not have anyone to say all the things that are bothering me, this is what I resort to do, write. This is because it was only through writing that I can somehow let go all of my feelings. I got engaged to my boyfriend of 7 years last June 2014 and we hope to get married on December 2015. Every time our friends and relatives asked us about the wedding date, they always say that it is was still too far. Yeah, we know, but we didn't have the money yet to afford even the simplest church wedding, but of course, we cannot say that directly to them. We only started saving up after the engagement and so far we have only saved a quarter of our wedding budget. We...

I haven't been feeling quite well this past few days. Not that I'm sick or anything. It's just that I think being a preschool teacher isn't my cup of tea. I'm not happy being a preschool teacher anymore. I feel so confined. I feel so inefficient and ineffective. I know that as a preschool teacher, I know I have to be more outgoing, so that I can dance and sing for them. But it's not in my personality to do those things. In fact, I find it hard to do those things. I know that I may not fit in in this kind of school setting, but I also know in myself I would be able to become a more effective and efficient teacher if I teach in high school.

I feel happy, blessed and thankful today because of successfully passing the Licensure Examination for Teachers! It's a surreal feeling for me. Thank God that all of my effort, struggles and hard-work finally came in fruition.

Today was my second time to do hosting. It's a kid's 7th birthday party. But I can say that I wasn't satisfied with the way I handled the hosting thing. I've always been shy all my life, and it has always been difficult for me to speak in front of a huge crowd. I felt so nervous and there were times that I got tongued-tied which is not good of course. Sometimes, I was lost with words; I don't know what else to say. I'm scared to know that the people out there, especially the kid's family, were disappointed with what I did. Hosting a school's party is one thing, and hosting a birthday party is another thing. All in all, I feel a huge blunder on my part. Oh my, it would surely take days before I can take things off my head. <sigh>

We had our school's Halloween Party yesterday, which was a blast. It was my first time to attend and help organize a school's Halloween Party. I totally enjoyed it. I was assigned to be the host, and I admit that I was initially nervous and anxious about the whole hosting thing since it was my first time to host a party. Good thing that I was able to overcome that nervousness and tried my best. It was a highly enjoyable thing to see the children play games and perform their song numbers while they were wearing those beautiful halloween-themed costumes! And not to mention, the trick or treat portion is very fun! This was our school's first time to have a Halloween Party so it's not surprising that it was not 100% perfect. But we've already talked about it, and we want to do better in our next party: Christmas Party. Late this afternoon, our school directress spoke to us about her evaluation of our party. Overall, she liked it. She also praised my hosting skills an...

Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts,  For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,  which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them,  but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,  and He bends you with His might  that His arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness; For even as He loves the arrow that flies,  so He loves also the bow that is stable.

If children live with CRITICISM They learn to CONDEMN If children live with HOSTILITY They learn to FIGHT If children live with RIDICULE They learn to BE SHY If children live with SHAME They learn to FEEL GUILTY If children live with TOLERANCE They learn to BE PATIENT If children live with ENCOURAGEMENT They learn to HAVE CONFIDENCE If children live with PRAISE They learn to APPRECIATE If children live with FAIRNESS They learn JUSTICE If children live with SECURITY They learn to HAVE FAITH If children live with APPROVAL They learn to LIKE THEMSELVES If children live with ACCEPTANCE and FRIENDSHIP They learn to FIND LOVE IN THE WORLD. Author Unknown

The Indian philosopher Mahatma Gandhi said that “the greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated.” Gandhi believes “that the more helpless a creature, the more entitled it is to protection by man from the cruelty of man.”

I have finally got a job as a teacher...preschool teacher. After having the initial interview and the demonstration at the same day, I was told that I got the job, which really made me extremely happy! I am so excited for Monday! :)