Living Inside My Head

I have now been married for two months. And I can honestly say that marriage changed me a lot. One of the things that I noticed was how I became even more organized in arranging my personal things. When I was still a single, I had so many stuff in my room that I cling to tenaciously - old clothes, anime-related memorabilia like posters, trading cards, stickers that I collected when I was in high school, old books, old comic books, VHS tapes and cassette recording of my favorite anime shows, high school notebooks, college test papers and reviewers, and even a bag full of plastics that I collected whenever I buy clothes or things from the department store and bookstore. Yup, I kept all of those too! I had this tenacious attachment to past things ever since I could remember and this continued until I got married last December. After I got married, I realized that I was entering a new chapter in my life. It's like a new beginning for me, a fresh start, and I learned that there were som...

Last night, I dreamed that my sapphire engagement ring was broken. The gem got lost and was no where to be found. Is this a reflection of my current state of mind or a symbolism of the things to come?

Now that I've taken a one semester break from my Graduate Studies, I have more time to do one of the things I love the most: write. It's almost Christmas and I can already feel the Christmas spirit here in our country. The cool mornings and evenings, Christmas songs, Christmas decorations in the malls... Christmas is truly a joyful event in the Philippines. It's something that the people look forward to because of the bonuses, vacations, reunions with relatives, and simply more time to celebrate with our loved ones. This would also be the last Christmas that I will be a single. Because next year, on December 2015, I will be getting married to my boyfriend of almost 8 years. Even though this year's Christmas hasn't passed by yet, my mind is already on the 2015 Christmas, where I will be spending it with my new husband. It may still be more than a year though. Lots of things and changes could happen in a year but I only hope for the best.

I have noticed that more and more brides nowadays are choosing to wear wedding dresses with sleeves. Previously, the trend in the Philippines was for the bride to wear a strapless wedding dress; wedding dresses with sleeves were deemed as old-fashioned and uncomfortable (because of the humid climate). But since the wedding of Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge (nee Kate Middleton) to Prince William in April 2011 where she wore a lace wedding dress with sleeves, a trend was set. Laced and sleeved wedding dresses are now in. As for me, long before the marriage of the Duchess of Cambridge, I've always wanted to wear a lace wedding dress with sleeves. I've seen countless photos and portraits of empresses, queens, princesses, duchesses, and noble ladies all throughout history wearing beautiful gowns, and this inspired me in my choice. There is something so elegant and timeless about these dresses. Now that I'm getting married next year, I now know exactly what I wanted in a wed...

It's been ages since I last updated this blog. So many things had happened and I know I'm quite a different person since the last time I updated. The reason for this update is to pour out all the heartaches, uncertainties, unhappiness, and even despair that I've been experiencing for the past couple of months. When I do not have anyone to say all the things that are bothering me, this is what I resort to do, write. This is because it was only through writing that I can somehow let go all of my feelings. I got engaged to my boyfriend of 7 years last June 2014 and we hope to get married on December 2015. Every time our friends and relatives asked us about the wedding date, they always say that it is was still too far. Yeah, we know, but we didn't have the money yet to afford even the simplest church wedding, but of course, we cannot say that directly to them. We only started saving up after the engagement and so far we have only saved a quarter of our wedding budget. We...

I haven't been feeling quite well this past few days. Not that I'm sick or anything. It's just that I think being a preschool teacher isn't my cup of tea. I'm not happy being a preschool teacher anymore. I feel so confined. I feel so inefficient and ineffective. I know that as a preschool teacher, I know I have to be more outgoing, so that I can dance and sing for them. But it's not in my personality to do those things. In fact, I find it hard to do those things. I know that I may not fit in in this kind of school setting, but I also know in myself I would be able to become a more effective and efficient teacher if I teach in high school.

I feel happy, blessed and thankful today because of successfully passing the Licensure Examination for Teachers! It's a surreal feeling for me. Thank God that all of my effort, struggles and hard-work finally came in fruition.