At Eternity's Gate

Few weeks ago, I was suffering from depression, exhaustion and a general feeling of weakness. Those were terrible times for me, and the most terrible I have ever experienced in my entire life. I felt I had no life at all. Everyday I felt hopelessness, fear and anxiety. I had no peace of mind, and my lack of sleep made my feeling even worse. I found myself crying almost everyday that I thought I'd suffer a breakdown. I felt so miserable. I was no longer enjoying myself, my life..Even simple things that most people overlook seemed so precious to me. That kind of life and that way of life was never for me. I knew it from the very beginning. But I thought I could give it a try, keeping in my mind that nothing in this world is simple. And yet in the end, I still prove to be right. Now I'm happy that I was able to do away with that kind of life. It was a great relief for me: sleeping in the night, being with my loved ones during the weekends and the holidays, spending time with my friends who don't have any vices, eating on time..simple pleasures, and yet they mean so much to me that my whole life is linked to them. A learned a valuable lesson: Never will I exchange a 6-8 hour sleep at night in my comfortable bed with a $500 a month, no sleep, no life, and with people who have low morals..

Curiously, when I was so depressed during those times, I came across this painting by Vincent Van Gogh called At Eternity's Gate (hence the title of this entry). And then I realized that this painting clearly describes my state of mind during those terrible times. Good thing that I still had the courage and the hope that left Van Gogh shortly after he painted this.